People are Just People

Last night I sat down to dinner at a looks-like-a-hole-in-the-wall-but-was-delicious Chinese restaurant. The waitress came to fill our water glasses and I greeted her, smiled, and asked how she was doing. She replied that she was fine and asked the same question of me. I said that my friend and I were starving and, after a pause, pointed out that I liked her boots. Our initial greeting turned into a friendly conversation and, before I knew it, the whole waiter-customer dynamic had disappeared. To me, it kind of felt like she was a potential friend who just happened to be working at a restaurant.

After the waitress left the table, my friend chuckled and said, “Wow. Someone’s still in work-mode.” After I threw a puzzled look across the table he explained that I was acting like he’d seen me behave when interacting with anyone from work – donors, colleagues, or volunteers.

I think that when you work in development, it’s hard to leave your work personality at the office. It isn’t like being an athlete where you can spend a few hours a day doing something completely unrelated to sports, or like being a musician where it’s best to spend a significant amount of time away from your instrument. Development is about interacting with people, and (apparently I’m just realizing this) people are everywhere. I mean, you really can’t escape them.

So, was I still in work-mode last night at the Chinese restaurant? My behavior certainly wasn’t something I was consciously enacting. This could mean that being available is something that has become engrained in my personality after over a year of working in development. But is the work behavior of a development professional even genuine? Do we really mean the things we say, or are we just faking it until we get what we want?

I think the answer lies in the fact that it feels good to be nice to people. Once, while I was working in development at the University of Michigan School of Music, Theatre & Dance, I had just emerged from what I had thought would be a tense and angry interaction. Surprisingly, though, all had gone relatively smoothly because, I realized, I had tried to be as open, understanding, and responsive to the other person as possible. A (wise) colleague of mine responded to my explanation of the scenario with a simple phrase: “You catch more flies with honey.”

I continue to carry this sentiment with me. Today, I made many phone calls to the guests of an upcoming benefit for the institution where I work about a whole host (no pun intended) of issues – seating requests, meal requests, payment requests (ah, the life of an intern). During some of these calls, I held my breath (just a bit) while I waited for an answer from someone who I knew would be short with me or who was unhappy with the Festival or who might be having a bad day. By staying as positive as possible, however, I emerged from the experience relatively unscathed.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember when working in development is that there is more (or less, depending how you look at it) to the people we work with than we think. Inside everyone we work with – from the woman in the framing shop to the Vice President of your department to one of the most influential philanthropists in the country – is a person who, behind any façade of power and money exists the same way the rest of us do.

So that’s why I find the line between my work and personal personality becoming increasingly blurred. Somewhere along the relatively short life-journey I’ve had so far I’ve realized that it helps to remember that we’re all human, we all make mistakes, and, most importantly, we can all learn something from each other.

PS – Many thanks to the brilliant Regina Spektor. The title of today’s post comes from her song, “Ghost of a Corporate Future.”

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Coming to the End

Today, is the beginning of the end of my internship with the Fisher Foundation. I have one more week to finalize things before I head out the door and relinquish the title of “The Fisher Intern.” My project is very close to being finished, and even though it may not “live and breath” for a couple years, Doug and I are starting to share the concept with the Foundation’s partners. On Wednesday, we had a quarterly meeting with the Skillman Foundation in which the two foundations share their most recent dealings with various non-profits and plans for the near future. During that meeting Doug discussed my project with a few of their senior program officers. I have a meeting next week to share our giving opportunities project with one of the officers and hopefully engage their interest in partnering with the Foundation to attract donors to these early childhood programs throughout Detroit and the Brightmoor area. This will be a good measure of the practicality of providing financially transparent giving opportunities for potential donors. I have been composing a memo for Doug to map out the future of this piece online at a number of community foundation and early childhood websites, which will be quite a hurdle in the near future since I will be leaving and Doug is very busy for the next few months. I am confident, however, that the work I’ve done this summer is important to the Foundation and interesting to its partners.

I am crafting my final internship report as well, just to make sure I accomplished all of my objectives I set in the beginning of the program. It is always important to see that you achieved your goals set out at the start of a job so that you reflect on what worked and didn’t work. Through that process, you learn how to adapt in the future and what really excited you along the way. I really enjoyed working for the Fisher Foundation and learning about how family foundations make philanthropic decisions in their community. I learned quite a bit about what it means to be a leader and how to earn the respect of colleagues, of course to Doug’s credit. It will be a bitter, sweet end here but this program really grew my passion for philanthropy and solidified my commitment to leaving a legacy for future generations. Mr. Fisher definitely built a legacy for his family and several international communities to follow and pass on to many generations to come, all in the name of serving others. I am lucky to have been a part of the work of one inspirational family.

“With each great project that we build we salute generations still to come, knowing that they will be able to build even higher.”
- Max M. Fisher

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Live Each Day to the Fullest

I am at a crossroads in my life, I could call it a quarter-life crisis, but I am trying to stay optimistic. As I approach my 1 year anniversary of working for the University of Virginia Athletics Department, I am not sure I want to make it to my 2^nd year anniversary. I feel exhausted, undervalued, and uncertain of where this job is taking me.  It has been especially frustrating for me to spend countless hours, energy, and emotional commitment to supporting a student’s pursuit for learning, to find that the student does not even care about his or her education. They just want to play a sport and be done with it.  Regardless of whether the student has a positive attitude, respects you, or is even receptive to your help, you have no choice but to find a way to make sure that student is eligible to compete. Often, I have to allocate the majority of my time and effort to working with the rude, disinterested, and unmotivated while I neglect the driven, dedicated, and passionate student who wants to learn and use his/her education to contribute to society one day. The predicament that lays in intercollegiate athletics still remains is are you a student or an athlete? In reality, academics and athletics should not be mutually exclusive.

While, I don’t want to lump all student-athletes into this category causing my professional frustration because that is most definitely not the case as I have some incredibly wonderful students I am blessed to be supporting.  I am questioning whether the lasting and valuable relationships I’ve developed with the students, faculty, coaching staff, and my colleagues alone cannot sustain my happiness in this career. I recognize at the beginning of any career, you have to put in your time and be ok with doing the things you may not like to do, but I believe there should be light at the end of the tunnel and I’m not seeing the light.

A good friend of mine who works in the admissions office for the university took me out for a glass of wine to help me find clarity in my life and assess my reservations about staying another year. He’s been at UVA as a student and professional for about 15 years now so he is very familiar with the bureaucracy and politics that exist at UVA. Given his long years of experience he shared an interesting perspective. He listened attentively to my many woes and complaints about the department, things I like and don’t like, the way I am treated by my colleagues, how I don’t fit into the Charlottesville clique, how I really want to be in the development side of athletics, I never wanted to be an academic advisor, I want to live in a big city, etc…I was quite the negative Nancy. His response was simple. He read to me SH Payer’s Live Each Day to the Fullest.

Live Each Day to the Fullest

Live each day to the fullest.
Get the most from each hour, each day,
and each age of your life.
Then you can look forward with confidence,
and back without regrets.

Be yourself… but be your best self.
Dare to be different and follow your own star.
Don’t be afraid to be happy
…enjoy what is beautiful.
Love with all your heart and soul.
Believe that those you love, love you.

When you are faced with decision,
make that decision as wisely as possible,
then forget it.

The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.
And above all, remember that God helps those
who help themselves. Act as if everything depended on you
And pray as if everything depended on God.

~ SH Payer

And then made me recite multiple times, “When you are faced with decision, make that decision as wisely as possible, then forget it”.  He asked me how I felt 12 months ago when I was faced with the decision to apply for the academic coordinator position at UVA. At that time, did I make the decision as wisely as possible? I admittedly said yes. This was the right decision at that moment.  I sat there reflecting upon my experience applying, interviewing, and remembering the sheer excitement I had for the job and the line, “The moment of absolute certainty never arrives” hit me like an epiphany. Yes, I’m not certain this is the job for me or that it will lead to an athletic director position one day (my ultimate goal), but I will never know unless I try it.  Now, I am faced again with another decision. Should I stay or should I go. I have to make the decision as best I can now and realize that it is impossible to be absolutely certain that whichever decision I make was the right decision. My passion lies in the fund-raising side of athletics, so now I just got to find a door and walk on in.

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Ask, Why?

This past weekend, I was lucky enough to see the movie – a hilarious and, at times, heartfelt depiction of a less-than-typical family. The movie followed The Kids are All Right the West Coast clan through its ups and downs (probably more downs than ups) until it arrived at the universal reminder that, no matter who you are or where you come from, family life, as wonderful and supportive and reassuring as it can usually be, is difficult.

I am thrilled to be working this summer for an organization that operates like a family. Almost every member of the administration knows each other not only professionally, but personally as well. And not only that, but the staff that more than doubles in size with the addition of its 100 or so summer employees treats the newcomers as if they were around for the other nine months of the year. Everyone looks out for one another in ways that range from picking up work that just can’t be finished to inviting a colleague to join the lunch table.

In the non-profit sector, most organizations can’t help but operate this way. In a world where the workload is huge and the rewards are not always as great, people have to rely on those around them for support, friendship, and reassurance that it’s all going to be okay.

For most non-profits, the family extends beyond the administration and staff. Where I am spending my summer months, there is the full-time staff. And the summer staff. And the artist-faculty. And the students. And the donors. And the Board of Trustees. And a few other governing bodies whose roles are (still) a bit unclear to me.

It would be ridiculously unreasonable to expect smooth sailing twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and three hundred sixty-five days a year around these parts. With thousands of peoples’ interests to keep in mind, who wouldn’t expect the occasional bump (or ditch) in the road?

In any family, it is important to keep in mind the purpose. In my family, when the going gets rough, I find comfort in the fact that, no matter what, these are the people who will be there for me through thick and thin and who will, without question, always love and support me. Are there times when I want to switch off my cell phone, shut down my e-mail account, and flee thousands of miles away? Of course. But, in the end, I remind myself that I am there for my family because they are there for me.

In a non-profit organization, there is one never-fail, trumps-all, not-to-be questioned answer to any kind of conundrum. Ask, Why? Why should you help out the colleague who, on a particular day, is driving you crazy? Why should you apologize to the donor who is accusing you of being wrong when you are seven thousand percent sure that you’re right? Why should you put your personal interests and agendas aside?

Because it’s what is best for the organization.

In any family – personal or professional – it all comes down to sacrifice. We spend time with people we sometimes aren’t crazy about and sometimes do things we really don’t want to do because it’s what is best – both for the home you’re a part of and the organization you work for.

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